The Power of Teaching Our Kids a Right Mindset for Labor and Birth.

Have you ever thought about how powerful and important it is to give our kids a positive mindset about the realities of pregnancy and birth? Everything God ever does in the world, He ultimately does through a new baby--and the pregnancy that brings that little one into being.

So many young people enter adulthood with their entire perspective of childbearing taught to them by an overly-medicalized culture, the attention-grabbing horror stories that so often results in, and Hollywood drama: everything is presented as an emergency, a disaster waiting to happen, and generally horrible experience to be endured...as few times as possible.

Mamas, we have an amazing opportunity to flip that script for the generations coming after us, with profound effects on the future of the world.

In our own family, we have wonderful, positive, age-appropriate discussions about pregnancy, prenatal development for Baby and prenatal changes for Mom, the reality of how some of those are uncomfortable (but so worth it to bring new life into the world--including each of them when it was their turn!), a lot about the importance of nutrition and rest, and so much more. We consider this one of the most important topics we can ever discuss with our growing young people.

Our 7-year-old daughter asked me recently while we were working in the kitchen, "How bad does it hurt to have a baby, Mom?" She asked a couple times--it was really on her mind! Our conversation went more or less like this: I gently squeezed her arm and explained that the baby is tucked inside a big muscle that squeezes, and those "squeezes" usually start gentle and short and spread apart, and gradually get longer and harder and closer together so the baby can come out (I showed her a little bit with squeezing on her arm). I was honest--yes, it can hurt, and sometimes it can hurt a lot by the end--but you do get breaks in between, not like when you just hurt yourself and it hurts and hurts and hurts without stopping, and then at the end, what do you get?? A BABY!

And what did Jesus say? When a mom is having a baby, she's sad for a while because it hurts, but what happens after the baby is born? She forgets that it hurt, because she's so happy that her baby is here! It does hurt some to have a baby, but it's worth every bit, and I'm so glad to have every single baby in our family! Plus...remember that Jesus went through SO much more pain than that so we could be born again...He will help us handle the pain for a little while to bring a new sweet baby into the world who can get to know Him too!

What a difference to a young girl's (or boy's!) mind to hear an explanation like that than some ultra-dramatic proclamation of how horrifically painful and dangerous it is to give birth, "I'm never doing that again!" etc!

We talk quite a bit about how to manage labor through relaxation and calm breathing--I've used the Bradley Method of Childbirth for all my births and highly recommend it!--and all my kids have seen this in action during early and mid-labor (especially when I've been able to have homebirths, which has been most of them), and that has gone a long way toward helping even our boys have a positive and realistic idea of both the hard work and manageability of contractions.

While I'm personally not comfortable with my boys being directly present once I'm no longer presentable, I think it's very important for them to see as much of a labor and postpartum experience as is modestly possible. Birth shouldn't be a total mystery to them any more than it should be for our girls.

Our teenage daughters are great assistants, and if timing and other details work out, they are welcome to be present for the birth itself if they want to be (they've always wanted to be!). Assuming they are sufficiently mature to be present and respectful (which my girls have been by 14 or 15, generally), I think it's very important for them to fully understand the whole process, including the intensity of transition, the birth itself, and what happens immediately postpartum.

As soon as I'm presentable again, and depending on what time of day the baby is born, the other kids are welcome to participate again--seeing the BRAND new baby, helping cut the cord, learning about the placenta, and all the other just-born details, as well as learning how to give attentive care to a tired new mama. Each of our older kids have many sweet memories of welcoming their newly-born younger siblings, including who was the first that they remember being born, and what they were doing when they heard the first little cry (supposed to be taking a nap but actually jumping off their bunk bed? or woke up in the morning and there was mom in the recliner with a new bundle?).

Even our sons are now aggravated by dramatized movie or TV birth stories ("That's not how it really works!!"), and all of our kids have a positive yet realistic view of childbirth overall. They understand that sometimes extra help is needed but that for the most part, birth is calm, relaxed, and safe to let unfold on its own.

Perhaps best of all, I've had the joy now of watching our oldest daughter begin her own family with an expectation of natural pregnancy, labor, birth, postpartum, and newborn care rather than having to blaze that whole trail herself as I did. She has educated her new husband and her in-laws, as well as many other mama friends around her, and even though she lives on the other side of the world right now, she's been able to ask the right questions to find likeminded care providers who have provided the support she needed in the ways she wanted it.

What a POWERFUL opportunity we have to change the culture one family at a time simply by teaching our children to think positively about the natural design of pregnancy, labor, birth, and gently welcoming newborns into their big new world! Make the most of it, Mamas!!