How it All Began: Our Extra-Large-Family Story

Mark and I met in college when we were both 18 years old. Our engagement story was a miracle of its own (and a story for another time), but the short version is we both knew almost immediately that we had found "the one" and were engaged within 2 weeks, excited in our youthful exuberance about whatever our future together would hold.

We married the following year, at 19-years-young, both of us still in college, and of course, with no money or significant employment. We figured we'd save money on room and board by getting married right away and sharing expenses rather than waiting till after graduation, especially since we were so certain the Lord had planned us for one another. It kinda worked, though married life definitely proved to be more expensive than we'd anticipated!

It was simply assumed by ourselves and everyone else that we would begin our married life on birth control, and the question was never "if" but "what kind". I started the Pill a month before our wedding, because that sounded easy but would also not be too hard to reverse when we eventually wanted to have a family. No one explained to me the depth of physical, mental, and emotional risks we were taking by manipulating my delicate hormonal balance, nor the fact that we could be potentially aborting our first children in their earliest stages of life.

Our first year of marriage was a rollercoaster. The stress of beginning married life while still in our teens, still in college, and working low-wage part-time student jobs that made it hard to keep up with our expenses was challenging enough, but the Pill and I Did. Not. Get. Along.

Depression, weeping fits, unreasonable anger over minor irritations, and other emotional challenges defined our first year, and Mark wondered what had happened to the happy, vibrant young lady he thought he'd married. However--God bless him--he stuck with me through it all, and he's said ever since that our first year taught him that if we could get through that, we could get through anything.

One night roughly 9 months after we married, I told him I'd noticed something: about 1/2 hour after I took my Pill each evening, the crying and stuff would start. I wondered if there might be a connection. His response: "I don't care if we have TWENTY children. FLUSH THEM!" I didn't flush them, but I never took another Pill, and within 24 hours, I began to feel a bit more like myself again. Within a week, I was "back", much to both of our relief! We began using other methods to prevent children, as it was still assumed by everyone that we shouldn't have any yet, but...you know.

Two months later we had a "surprise". 😄 Mark took the year off school to work full time and get our finances in a better place, and our oldest son was born 3 weeks after I graduated. I had been blessed with a very substantial scholarship, so it had made sense for me to finish my degree even though our plan had always been for me to stay home with our little ones.

We didn't plan to add to our family again soon, but our first daughter was born a year and a half later, 6 months before Mark's graduation. Finances were tight, time was stretched, but we were growing in our confidence as a young family and were excited when we discovered that #3 would be joining us about another year and a half after #2.

During that pregnancy, Mark was working full-time, 12-hour-night-shifts at a local factory while looking for work in the career he had studied for. Money was still tight, we lived in a small apartment, and we didn't get much time together as a family. I tried hard to keep the little ones quiet during the day so he could sleep, and it was a lonely time in many ways without much adult conversation available. My parents lived nearby and were a great support (all the grandparents always have been), but it was still a challenging time--definitely not an ideal season for adding more children from most people's perspectives!

But it was at that moment that the Lord gave us our Vision and Calling, which we have lived out for more than 2 decades now.

I would often listen to Christian radio talk shows during the day, especially when the little ones were napping, to fill the void for adult conversation. One afternoon in either late 2002 or early 2003 (I don't remember now), I was listening to "Family Life Today" on Moody Radio out of Chicago. They had a guest couple on their show (whose names I also don't remember now!) for the entire week, talking about the blessing of having large families, the Scriptural support for doing so, how our culture has drifted from fully embracing children (which all of humanity has always traditionally recognized as vital to any civilization's survival), and how fully capable our God is to decide exactly who He wants to bring into the world and when, and then meeting the family's needs as we seek Him. He created the universe without asking our opinion about what ought to be in it or how much and when, and He can be trusted to direct this area of our individual lives as well if we yield control to Him.

Dennis Rainey and his wife were leading the interview and shared that they had 6 grown children, and now that they are older and it's too late, they have sadly wished they would have allowed the Lord to give them more.

My mind was blown. I'd never even thought of any of that before.

When our schedules finally aligned to discuss it, I told Mark what I'd been listening to and asked what he thought about it.

He was quiet for a bit and then said, "They're right. That IS what Scripture says, and that's what we're going to do. However many more children the Lord chooses to give us, He will provide for, and He will give us whatever strength we need to take care of them." It was gentle, kind, loving, and determined, though almost every possible reason not to was stacked against us at that time.

In the 20+ years since he first made that declaration--though we have faced many, MANY challenges as well as many joys--he has never wavered in his delight to welcome new babies into our home and pray that we will still be blessed with more. I couldn't be more grateful for his steadfastness as he has led our family through the many storms of life.

We have always laughingly wondered if we would eventually end up with 20, since that was what he proclaimed on that long-ago day that I realized how horribly the Pill was harming me (and him as well by extension, not to mention the children it likely prevented). Depending on how you count, as of this moment, our 20th soul is, indeed, on the way. Along with the 15 precious children who have been born to us so far, and #16 due any day now, we have had 4 go to the Lord before we had a chance to meet them. We know many of you have experienced that, too.

We currently have 5 young adults who have graduated from our homeschool, all of whom proclaim faith in Jesus Christ and are growing in their own relationships with Him as they establish themselves in their grown-up lives. Our oldest daughter is married to a wonderful young man, and they are serving the Lord as they establish their own family--currently one little grandson and a new little granddaughter! (Yes, we will have an uncle younger than nieces/nephews, and it will just get more confusing from there!) They have wonderful relationships with one another and with us (though we certainly do have our "moments"!), and our home is a bustling hub of activity all the time--it's the center of our family culture, even as the older ones are branching out on their own.

They are by no means carbon-copies of us, and we do disagree on things at times, but in the most important issues of life, the Lord HAS enabled us by His grace to "pass the torch" to the next generation, and we truly have no greater joy than to hear that our children walk in Truth. (3 John 1:4) We do not take it for granted.

The rest of our crew currently ranges in age from 17 down to 2 years, and they bring us so much joy. Altogether, we have 9 (soon to be 10) boys and 6 girls. We all have so much farther to grow in our walks with the Lord and our development as human beings, but we have been on this "road less traveled" for over 20 years now, and the Lord has been absolutely faithful to the promise we sensed from Him all that time ago.

We have so many miracle stories from our journey, some of which I hope to share eventually, but I pray that above all our story is an encouragement to you to deepen the roots of your faith--in EVERY area of life, not just this one!--into the immeasurable love and sufficiency of Jesus Christ. He is Who He says He is, and we can do ALL things through CHRIST Who strengthens us. (Phil. 4:13)